


Cucumbers

by Orange17



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: All of these are true and it is still a G rated fic, And cucumbers are inserted, Blame Lucky for all tags, F/F, Fur, Fuzzy Pussy, Happy Ending, pussy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-23 04:01:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19143166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orange17/pseuds/Orange17
Summary: After finally learning about all the secrets of Purgatory, Nicole has her own demon encounter. But will Calamity Jane escape unscathed?





	Cucumbers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Trash_PandaTO](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trash_PandaTO/gifts).



With one hand, Nicole fumbled with the buttons on her uniform shirt while the other guided the vacuum cleaner around her couch. 

It had been sixty minutes since she had punched out at the station and only thirty more until Waverly would be knocking on her front door with dinner. After a hurried trip to the store to restock her alcohol supply and pick up some of her girlfriend’s favorite snacks, she’d made her way back to her house, grimacing at the layer of orange fur that coated every surface.

She had planned to take care of it tonight, though perhaps at a more leisurely pace instead of tearing around her own home like a mad woman, dusting shelves, the coffee table, the tv stand, and her desk, before taking out the vacuum.

Finally, stripped down to her tank top with the floors finished, she haphazardly threw her shirt towards the stairs before changing out the attachment and tackling the sofa and chairs.

The furball responsible had been absent while she worked, undoubtedly driven upstairs by the sound of the vacuum. But once Nicole had shut it off and was dumping the dust bag into her trash can, Calamity Jane slunk down the stairs, treading on Nicole’s crumpled up shirt in the process.

“Don’t tell me, you were fuzzing up the bedroom, weren’t ya?”

The cat meowed in response, clearly pleased with herself.

Nicole grimaced as she eyed the tangled mess of dusty cat hair in her trash can, “I think I’ve got enough fur here for at least three feline friends for you, Calamity. What do you think?”

CJ grumbled before jumping onto the couch.

“Hey! I just cleaned that!”

As if to show her lack of care for that matter, Calamity Jane shook. While Nicole’s eyes tracked the puff of orange hairs that were flung into the air by the movement, the cat rubbed herself up against the couch cushions before settling in, leaning against an armrest.

Nicole rolled her eyes, hefting the trash bag out of the can to dump it outside.

\--

“Nic…” 

Nicole was disoriented, woken roughly by Waverly shaking her arm.

Judging by her state of grogginess, they couldn’t have been asleep more than a few hours. Nicole had just enough time to shower and change before Waverly arrived, take-out in hand and an overstuffed bag, bulging with manila folders and books, slung over her shoulder.

It had been exactly one BBD un-deputizing, one fight, and one unexpectedly sweet way of making up since Nicole first learned of the supernatural zoo that was Purgatory. But she still had questions, and Waverly had been more than happy to bring her up to speed and unravel some lingering mysteries—like what the deal was with Wynonna’s gun.

As the night wore on, Waverly’s answers got more and more rambling and were punctuated with more kisses. It was after midnight, and three-quarters of a bottle of whiskey later, before they finally called it a night, Though Nicole had grimaced at the freshly shed layer of orange fur that stood out against her navy comforter, Waverly didn’t seem to mind, or at least the whiskey helped her not notice, as they crawled into bed.

“ _Nicole_.”

The panic in Waverly’s voice hit her and Nicole turned toward the sound, pulling her eyes open to see Waverly sitting upright against the pillows. Her hazel eyes were wide with fear.

Nicole followed Waverly’s vision to the floor beyond the bed, where CJ sat, meowing mutinously.

Nicole ran a hand across her face before moving to get out of bed, “Sorry, ignore her attitude. She really is harmless in spite of her size. I normally lock her out when I sleep but must’ve left the door ajar.”

As her feet touched the floor, a strong hand curled around her wrist, stopping her from moving any further. She turned back toward Waverly, eyes narrowing at the rising panic in the woman next to her.

“But what are… _they_?”

“They?”

Nicole whipped back toward CJ but this time, she caught what had Waverly so alarmed.

At another ominous meow from her cat, Nicole scrambled back onto the bed, unceremoniously pushing Waverly behind her.

“…the fuck…”

Nicole couldn’t take her eyes off of the three creatures behind her own pet. It was as if Calamity Jane’s discarded fur had come to life, as if in a sick puppet form with each individual hair radiating out from a dark cloud, like metal shavings around a magnet.

But their revenant red eyes were what sent a chill up Nicole’s spine.

“We have to get out of here.”

\--

“Come _on_ , Wynonna pick up. Pick up!”

Although the horizon had just started to lighten and she was outside of her home in her pajamas, Nicole smiled as Waverly adorably stomped barefoot around her porch, dressed in Nicole’s own fluffy robe, cursing her sister over a voicemail message.

Since her cat and the “cats” seemed unwilling to move from their spot in front of the door, she and Waverly had climbed out her bedroom window to safety, thanks to her trusty fold-up fire escape ladder.

“Just get here. And _soon_ ,” Waverly begged before pressing to end the call.

Nicole watched as Waverly tucked her phone into the pocket of the robe, before pushing her hair out of her face. When Waverly sat down on the step, Nicole moved beside her, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend. Waverly turned into her, snuggling closer.

“What do we do?” Waverly mumbled into her chest.

“Wait for your sister I guess.”

Nearly an hour had passed before the unmistakable noise of Wynonna’s truck tires, skidding through the turn onto her street, reached Nicole’s ears. She winced, knowing she’d hear it from a few of her neighbors later but rose to her feet, tugging Waverly with her. The truck slammed to a stop in front of her house, only an inch or two from the bumper of Nicole’s cruiser.

“ _Seriously_ , Wynonna, do you need to wake up the whole street?”

“You woke me up, so it’s only fair,” Wynonna called back as she hopped out of the truck and made her way to the passenger door.

“Like we had another choice,” Waverly huffed as Wynonna grabbed a grocery bag off the passenger seat.

With a swift kick from her boot to close the door, Wynonna turned to stride down the sidewalk, pulling a cucumber from the bag, “You two losers couldn’t solve this yourselves?”

\--

Wynonna impatiently explained the plan while Nicole dug out her hidden spare key. The two of them would sneak through the house, Nicole distracting the demon kitties with catnip while Wynonna would stealthily place a cucumber at their back paws.

And, for once, everything went according to plan. When the demon cats noticed the cucumber and jumped, literally out of their fur, Wynonna shot the demon-y cloud straight back to the fires of hell.

Nicole whooped when the last demon cat disappeared, her hardwood floors returning to cover the fiery depths without a scratch.

“Hey, Waves! We got them!” Nicole called, turning to grab her vacuum cleaner to pick up the three piles of orange fur that remained.

“Not all of them, Haught.”

“Whaaa—”

Nicole turned just in time to see Wynonna place a cucumber at the back paws of Calamity Jane.

“Wynonna, no! She’s—”

But she never got to say that her precious pet had remained unscathed through the whole ordeal.

At her voice CJ turned, scared by the green object at her feet and jumped, fur and all, higher in the air than an animal of her girth should travel.

At the top of the peak of the cat’s jump, a gunshot reached Nicole’s ears.

“NOOOOOO.”

“Nic… _Nicole_. Wake up!”

Nicole felt the covers tangle around her as she thrashed and rolled. She finally stilled as she registered the worry in Waverly’s voice. Pulling her eyes open, she spied Calamity Jane perched at the foot of the bed, staring back at her.

The cat blinked before emitting a high pitched meow.

Still disoriented, Nicole scrambled up the bed, pulling her feet away from the cat before pulling Waverly behind her and shielding her with her body, “Call Wynonna and tell her to bring cucumbers.”

“ _What?_ ”

“Call Wynonna and tell her to bring cucumbers! We have to put the cats down!” 

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes [Trash_PandaTO](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trash_PandaTO/) and I get on random tangents—like talking about how much our pets shed—that somehow inspire silly fic ideas. 
> 
> Thank you to my beta [@LuckyWantsToKnow](https://twitter.com/LuckyWantsTo) for all the help… and challenging me to disappoint all of you via the tags. Sorry, not sorry. 
> 
> You can find me on Twitter, [@DubiousOrange17](https://twitter.com/dubiousorange17).


End file.
